Recently we celebrated international
women's day, although like many others, I too believe that it is not
supposed to be a one day affair. However, I also appreciate that such
rituals might have their usefulness, because they force our joint
attention towards issues of collective importance.
Being a psychologist, my perspective is
also more psychological on this matter, since change in women's
status is not only socio-economic, but also associated with a change
in the consciousness, not only of women but also of men.
Let me start with a small story, since
stories have a way to engage us so. One day Lord Krishna was talking
to his beloved Radha, when she said that you can't understand my
pain, my experiences. To understand her, Krshna became Radha for some
time and this event has been celebrated in Indian art, such as poetry
and especially in Indian paintings. To think of it, this was a
classic case of empathy, where one is able to understand other's
perspectives, their feelings, their experiences. This is the state of
consciousness, we need to understand the gender issue. Not where
there is resistance and hostility for different ideas, as I sometimes
see when discussing gender issues.
As we all know, presently there is a
gap in the collective status of women, although it is debatable how
much of a gap and reasons behind it (some defending it and some
opposing it in the larger society). It is also debatable how much our
society has changed over last few decades and given freedom to women.
Women in general feel that there has not been sufficient change and
men often point to the fact that more openness has come and we can
see more and more women in education and jobs. Since human brains are
risk-averse, during times of change in status quo, those who lose
status, power, resources, often feel the impact stronger than those
who gain it. So this difference in perception is explainable. But if
we look at the statistics most of us will agree we still need to
cover a long distance.
One of the main arguments justifying
the gap between different roles and status assigned to men and women
are that, they are in essence different not only at body level, but
also at the levels of mind and more. These differences justify their
unequal status, because one is better or more valuable than the
other. The questionable assumptions here are first the differences,
and second the values assigned to these differences.
Physically, an alien coming to earth
would consider all of us as part of the same species. However, I will
focus more at the mind level. After decades of research on the
brain-based differences between men and women, a recent meta analysis
reached the conclusion that this difference is pretty low. Although
women have slightly better verbal abilities and, men have slightly
better spatial abilities, still one third of women have better
spatial abilities and one third of men have better verbal abilities.
Such results are also at the level of statistical averages, and the
next woman you meet may turn out to be better at knowing directions
and parking her car, and the next man might charm you by weaving a
web of beautiful words. These little differences which are present,
have been explained by different socialization processes. We bring up
our little girls and boys differently, and therefore sex is
biological, gender is a social concept.
Further, the traditional research in
psychology about traits of masculinity and femininity has gradually
given way to research on agentic and communal traits, since the
traits associated with masculinity and femininity are not gender
specific, every human being has them in different proportions.
Agentic and communal traits focuses on different ways of being and
connecting. Being agentic is being independent, competent &
assertive-aggressive, while communal traits are that of being
friendly, unselfish, & expressive. Men are encouraged and
expected to show agentic traits and women that of communal ones. But
fact is that any woman may be more or less agentic, depending upon
her personality, upbringing, unique life experiences etc. and same is
applicable to men. Research shows Asian countries have traditionally
encouraged communal traits though with increasing westernization
entire world is also becoming more agentic.
So, the term 'empowerment' itself is in
a way 'agentic', because the idea is of being able to select one's
goals, knowing how to reach them, having self-worth and confidence to
reach them, gathering both material and informational resources for
it and acting upon it.
Now coming to the question of what do
we value more as a society - answer stares in our face - men
over women, masculinity over femininity and we have
valued independence, competence & assertiveness, at the cost of
friendliness, unselfishness, & expressiveness. But, when
societies doesn't value friendliness, unsefishness, harmony, they end
up becoming a violent and selfish societies. Such misplaced values
lead to corporate greed, environmental destruction, and massive wars.
Agentic self is a disconnected self, from others and from nature, and
focus is on the control of others and of nature.
At an individual level, when 'boys dont
cry', when men are too numb to feel and express their emotions, they
are also cheated of the joys of living. As much as women are robbed
of the space to discover themselves and bring out their gifts for the
world. So, we miss out on kind, compassionate men, and wise,
confident women who can give direction to our future. Everyone
suffers, limited by society's expectations.
The solution is that we all find our
personal balance of independence and connection, instead of it being
forced upon us. Because we cannot put together a specific gender and
a specific way of mental framework in a rigid way. For example, we
want loving mothers, but we also yearn for loving dads, as we want
strong, protective fathers but also strong, protective mothers. Each
one of us is a unique being with our special abilities and
potentials. Let us recategorise the main struggle, the main issue,
which is not only for women but also for men to be able to find
themselves and bring it forth. We all have to find our power as well
as realize our inherent connectedness. Infact psychological androgyny
(a balanced mix of masculinity and femininity, or agency &
communion) is a healthy state and often found in most creative,
mature, fully-functioning individuals.
I wish to end with the another ancient
myth, that each soul was divided at the beginning and since then we
have been feeling half, feeling incomplete, and are going around
looking for our soulmates, another person, who will make us feel
whole. But then this is a Greek interpretation. The Indian idea is
that we discover both male and female aspects within us, and become
whole, become divine. This is what 'ardhanarishwar' symbolizes at an
intra-personal level. And at an interpersonal level it symbolizes the
state where men & women, although different but come together as
an equal partners.
Once that is realized, then there won't
be any need for a separate women's day!
